Now and Forever
by Bad Wolf Baybe
Summary: Another 'What if' story. This time, what if Fred did die during the war. This is Willow and her struggles on how to cope being a single, heartbroken, mother.  Fred was her whole world and now he's gone.


Here's the What If story I said I was going to make! I'm really tired, so I'm not gonna thank anyone right now. OMG! I MOVE INTO MY DORM TODAY! SCARY!

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. I own only Willow as well as a few other people, places, and things. But that is all.

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><p>I remember that day. It was by far the worst day of my life. I was going crazy with worry, pacing back and forth in our room. Daphne laid asleep in her crib. It felt like forever that I was waiting, doing nothing but pacing and muttering to myself. Daphne began to stir and sat up in her crib. "Mumma," she said and I snapped my attention over to her.<p>

"It's ok baby, go back to sleep," I said, standing over her crib. I smoothed her hair and kissed her forehead. She closed her eyes and laid back down. I continued to stroke her ginger hair, trying to ease my nerves.

A letter zoomed into the room. My heart sank. Why are they sending a letter, why can't Fred just come back and tell me what happened? Unless he's hurt, or unless he's dead. Or perhaps I'm just letting my fears consume me and my rational judgment. Maybe he just needs to stay at the castle for awhile to help others. That has to be it.

The letter unfolded and a voice of a solemn Mrs. Weasley filled the room. _"Willow, the war is over and Harry won. Voldemort's been defeated. But he wasn't the only death. We suffered many losses such as Tonks and Remus,"_ I began to tear up and hearing that two of my friends had died. They had a child for Merlin's sake! As Mrs. Weasley continued, her voice became weaker, and sadder. _"And, I'm so sorry deary, Fred is among those too."_ Her voice became think with sobs that wanted to escape, but her voice had a sort of strength to it. Probably for my sake. _"For yours, as well as Daphne's sake, stay home. George will be there shortly. We all love you two very much."_ The letter tore itself up.

Fred's gone. He's dead. He died. He's never coming back. All those thoughts swam through my head and finally out my eyes as tears. After the initial shock, I collapsed on the ground, sobs racking my body. I cried loud and hard, completely forgetting that Daphne was trying to sleep.

"Mumma?" She asked, he voice so youthful and innocent. "Ah?" I got on my knees and looked over at her. She was holding onto the bars of her crib, looking over the edge at my broken form on the ground. She looked scared and worried. She had never seen me so broken before.

I scooted over so I was on the ground, right next to her crib. "Something bad happened, sweetie. Something bad happened to daddy. He got hurt real bad." I said, trying to hold it together for the sake of my daughter, even though she really couldn't understand me.

"Dada?" she asked, tilting her head to one side, her eyes big and innocent.

"He died, sweetie. He's not gonna be coming home." I barely managed to choke out the last part as sobs threatened to overtake my body once more. She reached her little hand through the bars of the crib, and laid it gently on my face. I stood up briefly to pick her up, then sat back down on the ground, holding her close.

"Mumma," she said. As I held her close, the bedroom door opened, revealing a very worn out and drained George. I looked up at him as he entered. He dragged himself in, his eyes red and puffy, probably from crying. Daphne looked up. "Dada!" she cried, jumping off my lap and running to George. "Mumma!"She exclaimed, looking at me then back at George. "Dada!" She latched onto his leg and held on tight. My heart, or what was left of it, broke even more.

George stooped down to her level, gently removing her arms from his legs. "Sweetheart," he said, his voice thick with emotions. I could tell that it was heart breaking for him too, having little Daphne confuse him for his twin. "I'm not Dada. I'm your Uncle George," he said, wrapping and arm around her waist. I watched as her sweet, angelic face fell. "Your daddy did get hurt and isn't coming home." I felt like the worst parent in the world, breaking my daughter's innocence and forcing her to live in the cold, evil, depressing world of reality.

It was taking all my strength not to completely lose it. Daphne was so happy when she thought George was Fred. So, so happy. How I wish I could let her keep that happiness. George looked over at me, then scooped Daphne up. "I think it's time for you to go to bed," he said, then shot me a look that said 'I got this'. I stood up and practically ran from the room, so my daughter wouldn't see me cry.

I made it to the kitchen before I completely broke down. I wrapped my arms around myself and sobbed harder than I ever had. I leaned against the cabinet for support as my knees started to give out. The cabinet wasn't helping much and soon I was curled up into a ball on the floor.

I heard the bedroom door close and soon George was next to me on the ground. He pulled me onto his lap and held me as I cried. He was crying too. "Why'd he have to go, George? WHY!"

"I don't know, Willow," he choked out. I held onto him tightly as my whole world came crashing down around me. Fred was my life. He was my everything. And now he's gone and left me to raise Daphne alone. I can't do it. I just can't. I need him here to help me. He _has_ to help me! She's his daughter too!

I don't know how long we sat there, both of us needing the other for support. "I need to get back," he whispered. I looked up at him, tears still running down my face.

"Please don't leave me, George," I whispered, holding him tightly.

"I have to. There's still things that need to be taken care of."

"I wanna come," I said. He shook his head.

"No. You need to stay here. I don't want you to see it."

I stood up, glaring down at him. "George Fabian Weasley, I said I want to go and damn it, I'm going to go!" He slowly got to his feet. He opened his mouth to say something, but I cut him off. "I know you don't think I should see him, George, but I have to. I need to, George. I need to..."

"Ok, ok," he said, nodding his head. "But what about Daphne? You can't just leave her here."

I don't know how I did it, considering all my happiness had fled my body, but I managed to conjure a patronus and send it to Tiff. In under a minute she arrived, looking grim. "Go," was all she said. I latched onto George and he Apparated us to the Great Hall. He said that because of everything that was going on, the Anit-Apparation charms had been removed.

No one said anything to me, then just gave me sad glances. George, with his hand on the small of my back, led me to where Fred was. He stopped at the entrance, and let me walk in alone.

It wasn't hard to spot Fred, his gingery hair stood out. The bodies were all laid out in rows with space to walk in between. There were others in morning, crouched over their loved ones. Muffled sobs echoed throughout the room.

I crouched down next to Fred, tears falling from my eyes. "I love you so much, did you know that? Of course you did, I told you every night before bed and every morning when we woke up, but I just feel I should tell you again. I love you, Fred Weasley, and I am going to love you for the rest of my life." I could barely see with all the tears swimming in my eyes. Fred's eyes were closed, but there was a smile on his face.

Even in death, he found humor.

"I don't know what I'm going to do without you," I choked out, feeling anger boiling under my sadness. "I can't be a single mother. Did you even think about Daphne when you got yourself killed? Did you even think what it would be like for her to grow up without a dad? I BET YOU DIDN'T!" I screamed down at him. The others in the room paid no mind to me. The anger left just as quickly as it came and I threw myself across his form.

"I just want you back," I said, burying my face in his chest. "You're my everything and now you're gone." For I don't know how long, I laid there, holding onto what was left of my beloved.

"Willow," I heard someone call my name. I looked up, red eyed, and saw Mrs. Weasley standing there. Her eyes were red and puffy too. "It's time to go." I glanced down at Fred, not wanting to leave his side. "They're going to have a memorial service in a few days for everyone. And they're opening up a little cemetery here on the grounds for those who...passed away. We're going to have Fred buried here."

"I can't leave him, Molly. I just can't," I whispered because that's all I was capable of.

"I know, Willow. Believe me, I know. But think about Daphne. She needs you too." I glanced down at Fred then up at Mrs. Weasley. She was right; I needed to be there for my daughter.

"Goodbye, Fred," I whispered and placed a soft kiss against his stone cold lips. Mrs. Weasley grabbed my arm and helped pull me up to my feet. As we left, I couldn't help but start crying all over again. I heard Mrs. Weasley sniffling as well.

Back at Muriel's no one was in a good mood. We were all happy that Voldemort was gone, but devastated over the loss of Fred. Tiff had left and Daphne was still sleeping. I wasn't about to wake her up.

"We can go back to the Burrow now," Mr. Weasley said. "It's safe again." Everyone murmured in agreement, but that was about it. The Burrow wouldn't' be the same without Fred.

"Willow, dear, you're more than welcome to come too," said Mrs. Weasley.

"Thank you, Mrs. Weasley, but I don't think that's best for me."

"Where will you go?" asked Ginny, wiping away her tears.

"Probably my grandparents," I said.

"What about Daphne?" asked Mrs. Weasley.

"You can come see her whenever you want. And I'll still drop by. But I just can't live at the Burrow. Too many memories..." I didn't need to say anymore. They all understood.

That night, after I had gathered all of Daphne's things, I flooed over to Grandma and Grandpa's. Poor little Daphne didn't know what was going on. She kept watching me gather all her things, the whole time asking for Fred. It broke my heart.

When I arrived at Granma and Grandpa's they were aware of what had happened. They didn't say much when I arrived; they just showed me to my room and let me be alone.

After I sent Daphne up in her crib, I unpacked a picture of the three of us. It was taken on Daphne's first birthday. Fred and I were sitting on the couch, with Daphne sitting on Fred's lap. He would kiss her cheek, grab her hand, and then wave it at the camera. I smiled at the pair then waved at the camera myself.

With fresh tears falling, I set the picture down on the bedside table, right next to Daphne's crib. She grabbed onto her crib bars and pulled herself up, looking around the room. "Dada?"

"I'm so sorry, sweetie. No Dada. Just Mumma," I said, picking her up from the crib.

"Dada!" she screamed, looking around the room again. I wanted to be strong for her, I really didn't, but I couldn't. I simply held her close and cried. She was the last piece of Fred I had left and I would tell her everyday how much he loved her and how much she looks like him.

A few days later I discovered something that would bring my world, or what was left of it, crashing down on me: I was pregnant. It was hard enough raising Daphne on my own without Fred, but now I would have another baby to take care of. I didn't know if I could do it. I needed Fred, but he wasn't there. I was alone.

Daphne was taking the loss of Fred hard. She cried and asked for him every day and it broke my heart that I couldn't bring him to her. She was like this when he was taken my snatchers, but this was different. I could hope back then that Fred would come back, but now, I knew he would never return. It was especially horrible when we would spend time with George. Daphne would mistake him for her father and run up to him with a big smile on her face. It killed George every time to tell her the truth.

He was suffering just as much as me. We spent a lot of time together leaning on each other for support. But he just didn't understand everything I was feeling. That's when I started talking to Alicia again. She was the only one who had experienced Fred the way I had. We both bonded over the loss of a lover.

I gave birth to twin fraternal boys on October fifth. Brandon Fabian resembled me while Michael Gideon looked just like Fred. It was hard enough having one child that was the spitting imagine of him, but now two? And I just had a gut feeling that they would be trouble makers just like their father and uncle. As hard as it would be for me, I would raise and take care of them.

Two months later was Daphne's second birthday. She still didn't fully understand that her father was dead and would still ask me, "Dada home?" It crushed me every time to tell her no.

Tiff encouraged me to get back out into the dating world. I was twenty, still young and had my whole life ahead of me. She kept telling me that Fred would want me to be happy; Fred would want me to move on and find a good father for the kids. I know Fred would want me to move on and be happy, but I didn't know if I could do it myself.

By some miracle she managed to drag me out on few outing with her, James, and Erika. I would leave the kids over at Mr. and Mrs. Weasley's for the night and head out with my friends. Tiff would introduce me to some guys, but it was hard to talk to them. Some of them were wizards, some weren't. Some knew about the war, some didn't. Not too long after name exchanges, I would say that I had three kids and my fiancé has passed away. That seemed to scare some of them away, while it just made others more curious. After awhile, I just simply said that Fred died in a war and they seemed happy with that answer. So many times them would say home much they loved kids or how much they would love to meet my children. We would exchange numbers and that would be the end of it. I never called and ignored them when they called me.

In early spring, I moved into my own apartment. My grandparent's told me that I could stay as long as I wanted, but I couldn't stay any longer. I had three kids that I needed to take care of and I hated bothering my wonderful grandparents all the time. I also got many offers to stay with the Weasley's but I couldn't do that either. I needed to be on my own. It would help me heal...if it was possible for me to heal.

For the one year anniversary, Hogwarts hosted a memorial service. Professor McGonagall gave a beautiful speech, then opened the floor to others who wanted to say a few words. Of course, Harry spoke as well as several other people who I didn't know. After the service we all went out to the cemetery where all those who had fallen were buried.

We all waited to go and visit Fred's grave. Harry and Hermione went first, followed by Charlie, then Bill, Percy, Ron, Ginny, then Mr. and Mrs. Weasley. George went next and I knew we was going to be awhile. I couldn't blame him though. As he walked away from his twin brother's gave, I could see his shoulders shake and tears fall down his face.

With Daphne walking next to me and a baby in each arm, we made our way to Fred's resting place. "There's Dada, kids." It was the first time we had been to Fred's grave. I wanted to go before, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. It hurt too much.

"Dada here?" Daphne asked, looking up at me then down at the grave.

"Yes, my darling, Dada's here," I said, new tears falling as I read the grave stone:

_Fredrick Gideon Weasley_

_April 1, 1978 ~ May 2, 1998_

_Loving Son_

_Brother_

_Prankster_

_Father_

"Dada? Dada?" Daphne kept hitting the grave stone with her little hand, hoping Fred would rise up and spin her around like he use to.

"C'mon, Daphne." I looked over and saw Ron and Percy making their way over to us. Ron held out his hand and Daphne gingerly took it. "Let's go get some pudding," he said. He tried to make his voice sound strong, but I could hear the hurt underneath. Without exchanging words, Percy took the twins and the two brothers led my children away so I could have my alone time with Fred.

"You lied to me," I said, looking down at his grave. "You promised you would come back and you didn't. You left me to raise three kids on my own. Do you know how many times Daphne woke up in the middle of the night and wanted you to put her back to bed? But at least she got to know you, Brandon and Michael never will. But they're wonderful. So full of life and always manage to bring a smile to my face when I'm upset." I smiled. "Just like their daddy."

I knelt down and traced the writing with my finger. "Tiff wants me to find someone else, but I don't know I ever will. There's no other that could even come close to you, Fred. No one that could capture my heart with a simple glance like you did. You were one of a kinda, even if you do have George, he's still not you."

I began to cry harder, my whole body shaking. "I want to hate you so much, but I just can't! I can't hate you! Merlin, Fred, do you know what you've done to me? Before you, I didn't really know life. I just knew the world within the four walls I called home. But you showed me so much more. You showed me how to truly live and how to make dreams come true. But I'm not done learning, Fred. I still need so many more lessons. I just wish you were here to teach me."

I hung my head, letting my tears fall and land on the ground. A gently breeze swirled around my hair and I could almost faintly make out a voice in it. _Willow._

_"_Fred?" I asked in a weak voice. I knew it couldn't be him, but part of me wanted to believe it.

The wind swirled again. _I love you. _

"I love you too, Fred. Now and forever."

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><p>There you are! I'll post my new "story" whenever I get the chance. I have had a request to do Fred and Willow's wedding. That shall be the first "chapter"! If anyone else wants to see something, just let me know. I'd be more than happy to write it up for you!<p>

Disclaimer that I should have said awhile ago: I do not own Doctor Who.

Also, are any of my readers out there college students? Just curious as to what your experience is to going to college and having time to write/read FF. I would be very happy if you gave me your input.

DON'T FORGET TO READ AND REVIEW!


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